Hallelujah, Ataxerxes
Some time
ago, an acquaintance of mine (she is evangelical) who, on occasion, remembers
having the sacred mission of trying to convert this disbeliever, uttered a
phrase: Jesus is my best friend. She also explain me is to Jesus that she
appeal when she has problems, when she has douts, when she is sad…
I confess
I thought about arguing for the umpteenth time that her faith (in spite of she having
the right to follow it), makes no sense for me; that the fact that her believe doesn’t
make it true; that being written in a book is not enough for me; that Pascal
Wager (which says if you don’t believe and the believers are right you are lost,
but if you believe and you are wrong you don’t lose anything) is a logical
absurdity; that I’m not Christian, but Buddhist; and hundreds of other
arguments that I have presented to her, unsuccessfully, thousands of times,
firing, as the Bible says, pearls to pigs. After that I gave up, she is blind
to rationality, and I realized that she lives in her world of make-believe and
nothing I argue will change it. Perhaps even her feel happy about it! But the
fact is, I was tired! This time I decided to be firmer, although I hated being
rude, and I said to her: Jesus is your best friend? Aren’t you too old to have imaginary
friends? From the face shd did, I think lacked just a bit for her jump me in
the neck and shows how fierce God's love could be, but she restrained himself
and closed the subject. If the conversation was over, however, my thoughts was still
alive, and I got lost in they in
the days that followed.
Imagine that I, who have a a running life full of uncertainties, and who
since 1992 have not been a father figure to appeal, to straighten me out, to
help me in times of crisis… I who so many times I had to overcome my sorrows
alone or make my own decisions… how much maybe a figure like hers may be
missing to fill the hole of my existence (until then I had not even realized
that there was a hole in my existence!). Who knows in this absence of
rationalism can be the key to happiness? And I, who until then had found me so
happy! However, it is an important decision, then I did some weightings…
First, I remembered that I doesn’t like zombie stories – ok, Braindead
by Peter Jackson and Planet Terror by Robert Rodriguez are cool, but generally
they’re just a blood-and-gut, unattractive and without scares; so, I don’t
think stories about supernatural beings who rose from the grave will make me feel
better. In addition, our crisis make our economic life sufficient difficult,
therefore, I do not think giving money to support the pastor can make me feel
happier, even knowing how happy he would be with it; ok, maybe it is just
selfish of me not wanting to make a pastor happy, but if even my genes are
selfish (according Dawkins) then I think this can be excusable. Then, I
remembered my friends are a select group. I’m not an elitist, but (maybe
because of shyness), calling someone friend is something I don’t do frequently.
I have hundreds of acquaintance, dozens of people who are nice, guys for whom I
have great esteem, but friends are few. To me friends are as says a popular
quote: brothers that we choose. In view of this, it seemed to me indigestible
the idea of having as best friend someone who is already the best friend of so
many people (is this the selfishness talking again?). For all these evaluations
I discarded the crucified Jew, proposed by my friend, as my BFF. So… what
to do?
Following Judaism or Islam? No, circumcision would be very painful, and
Islam would require to abandon another friend: the beer, and my friends, as much
as they are dear to me, cannot determine with whom I relate.
I even thought about Voodoo, but I remembered that I do not know how to
dance.
Kardecism? No, beer has sufficient spirit for me.
After long time thinking, I have only one solution left; the only one
that can be embedded in all the questions: I created my own imaginary friend! Its
name is Ataxerxes (no relation to the Persian king, but will you say it is not
a sound name?)
Ok, maybe it seems weird, maybe some people think I am being crazy, but
as nerd I'm already considered queer! Besides, it is good to remember that faith
we don’t argue. I have even asked, last night, that Ataxerxes introduce me to a
hot and nymphobic blonde, who has a taste for little nerds - with the addition
that my wife never knows it... Will I be satisfied? I really don’t know, but I’m
hopeful, after all, imaginary by imaginary, I have as much chance of being
blessed as any religious who prays for his divinity…
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